Going through the motions

today was a tough to get everything done. it is usually my day off but because i am going on vacation tomorrow i worked. so that meant time i would normally have to sit around and think about my run and whatever, was nonexistent, as was the run, almost.

first of all i was on call until 8am and kept getting calls, i didn't have to go in, but the calls just kept me from sleeping well. then, i forgot to reset my alarm and it went off at 7am instead of 6am, so much for running before work. luckily, at lunch i did get to shoot my bow. the 50 yard target was occupied and the 60 yard target was gone so i was stuck shooting at 40 yards, would have preferred 60 yards but i'll take what i can get.

after work i was supposed to go to a funeral visitation and ended up not going. so then i had to go to a meeting that lasted until 8:30pm. i got home changed clothes and told Emily i was going for a run. she acted like i was crazy, but i have to be dedicated if i am going to do this, and i am not going to let a little darkness get in the way. so i ran for 30 minutes, or so. my mp3 player, that i was so excited about, stinks. it does not stay clipped on and the ear pieces don't stay in. that is why i ran for 30 minutes OR SO. part of the time i was picking up the mp3 player off the road or catching the ear pieces, etc. will have to figure something else out.

now i have to finish packing and get ready to fly to montana in the morning. needless to say it has been a long day. to tell you how busy we were at work i normally take about 500-600 steps on the average day at work (i know this thanks to the pedometer i am wearing for the health dept. contest). today i took about 1200 steps. thank God i am blessed with a steady job.

there is a song i have heard recently (is there an echo, seems like i have been saying that a lot lately) that make me really think, kind of reminds me of who i was before my job (or maybe my business partners) started getting the best of me. i can't remember the lyrics exactly but here is the gist "i don't want to go through the motions, i don't want to spend one more day, without Your all-consuming passion inside of me. i don't want to look back and wish i had given everything." don't even know who sings the song. however, this is how we would live each and every moment, not just every day. sometimes i feel like the people i work with are just going through the motions, just doing what they have been told is right or ok. for me, i want to do everything as right as possible and not be lazy, not just take the easy road all the time. i don't want to do something just to make someone happy if it means going against what i think is right or lawful. and i know i probably have a higher standard than others because i know God is watching everything i do when others may slack off because they think no one is watching. funny thing is you would think this would make stronger in my convictions around my fellow workers, but sometimes it doesn't. sometimes i feel like if they don't care, the whole thing is ruined and i should give up anyway and restart somewhere else, especially when i am ridiculed for what i do. and i think i feel that way for two reasons. 1. it has been going on for so long. 2. many of my co-workers feel the exact opposite of the way i do. i feel like i am a truck in neutral, no matter how hard i hit the gas i don't move at all and just sit there and waste so much energy. so here is what i have come to figure out recently. 1. God has put me in this place. 2. God wants to use me in this place. 3. i have to do the best i can every moment with as much passion as i can muster, no matter what the results are. God doesn't ask us to make results, only to work hard (He doesn't really ask us to work hard but as Christians we should). as long as we work hard and passionately for Him the results will be exactly what He wants. that should be all we want to happen anyway. so, no matter how small or nonexistent our apparent accomplishments are here on earth we should work hard, diligently, passionately for God and know He is using us and we are doing His kingdom work (simple concept, in a long drawn out way of saying it).